I still don't know how to express well what happened in Texas. I knew that however I imagined it in advance, nothing would really prepare me for what the reality would be. I will be forever thankful that my aunt, my mom's beloved sister, came with me. I thought it was something I "should" do alone, but it was all so crazy that I can't imagine now how that would have been.
I'm still not entirely ready to talk at length.
But many people have been wondering and so very, very supportive, so here is a quick picture. I think I have a lot to still process.
The hearing in Houston was before a judge, no jury. The truck driver was charged with violating his probation for a previous felony charge. On the day of the accident, he was driving on a revoked license. As far as the accident goes, he wasn't speeding or under the influence. He claimed my mother pulled out in front of him. The police reconstruction did not agree, but without solid eyewitness testimony or gross negligence, there were not charges filed criminally in her death. It was presented that he had a fairly significant driving history with several speeding, driving without insurance, and prior driving on a suspended charges. Once warrants were issued on the driving charge and the revocation, he stopped reporting as required.
He pleaded "true" to the charge that he violated probation and witnesses were called by both sides. The judge, in accepting this true plea, had several options: reinstating probation only or sentencing him using the sentencing guidelines of his original crime, which were 2-10 years. The probation officer, the lead police investigator, and the driver all took the stand.
The judge listened to closing arguments and then sentenced him to five years.
Those are the facts.
Some of my reactions:
I thought I might faint when he walked in wearing his orange jumpsuit. I was weeping. Directly across the aisle, his mother and wife sat weeping. When he took the stand, he was holding my mother's funeral brochure and sobbing. After the sentencing, his family and ours spent time together, hugging! Let me say that again! Hugging and crying! They were wonderful people.
I don't know how much was for us and how much for himself, and really - I don't care. There were things he and his lawyer said that I don't believe to be true. But still, what I saw was another person afraid and genuinely suffering, a family in crisis, and it was awful. A mother without a son, a wife without a husband, and worst - a teenage boy without a father for a minimum of 2 1/2 years. I felt no joy whatsoever in this outcome. On the other hand, if I were told I'd have my mom back in 2 1/2 years and could visit her, talk to her, and there was an end in sight to the separation, I'd be overjoyed.
I then decided not to read my statement - it would have been after sentencing. I wrote it with the idea that he would be nonchalant, even rude about the accident. I wanted to make him feel sadness, to hammer home the horror of her death and the huge role she played in so many lives. At that point, my instinct was to comfort, not to inflict more pain. He asked to speak to us directly and we sat at a table, no glass between us, just out in the courtroom. He had tears rolling down his face as he spoke to us. At the end I held his hands, which were cuffed. Who would ever have believed that? Seriously?! Really! Never in my wildest dreams. It was completely surreal.
I didn't expect to feel this way at all and it was one of the most emotional and human experiences of my entire life. Not sure what to do with all of this. I feel like I've visited another planet and come home different.
Anyway, I just wanted to share some of this with the many people who have been so supportive and interested in what's going on.
I feel a lot of concern for his family - and for him. Some people have said "it's not enough" but I have the feeling that Texas State Prison is not pleasant or easy and knowing that, however poor his judgment might have been, there was no intent to harm her, makes me okay with it and able to forgive and wish him well in the future. There isn't any point in permanently ruining another person's life - a person who I really think has true sorrow and regret.
Well this wasn't so brief after all.
