Quickly

1)  I feel pathetic that I have no followers.  I feel pathetic for feeling pathetic about that.

2)  I love that my husband gave me Laura Hillenbrand's (remember Seabiscuit) new book, Unbroken, for Christmas.  Clearly a book about World War II isn't my usual thing, but I love it.  It took me a little bit of time to get into it, but now that I have a few things stand out.

The level of sacrifice that everyone assumed during the war.  Everyone understood that actions have consequences.  War is ugly.  There is a cost.  Everyone was involved.  Today it's all so removed, so sanitary.  The ugliness is all kept far, far away and few people truly have a vested interest.

Reading about the horrors these people faced for months, years on end, makes me feel like a pampered little crybaby.  The fact that anyone made it home alive and with a functional mind left is incredible.  I take way too much for granted and spend far too much time being introspective.  Like worrying about the fact no one reads my blog.

Going light and non-controversial this morning... partly

I considered writing about Gabrielle Giffords and the other people shot in Tucson yesterday because my mind is so full words - loud words,angry words, sad words.  Instead I'm going to share my smoothie recipe with the modifications for Lydia.   Oh - I did put in my two cents on the gun thing at the end of this post.

I use this a lot after school and the kids love it.  Yes, it's a bit of a pain to get the stuff, but once the ingredients are on hand, not so much.  I've tinkered with it a lot but it's a winner for all three, which is rare.

Makes 3 16 oz. servings
1 1/2  to 2 cups Stonyfield Farm organic yogurt - strawberry or Banilla (both are low fat)
4 oz pomegranate juice - newer addition, sub o.j. if  desired
2 oz orange juice
6-8 ice cubes
1 cup frozen organic strawberries
2 frozen bananas (I buy them, peel them, break them in chunks and store in a big ziploc bag)

Blend it!  Pour out 2 servings for those who DON'T need to gain weight.
ADD:
1 Tablespoon avocado oil
1/2 to 3/4 packet Carnation breakfast essentials, vanilla flavor

This bad boy has 350-400 calories for Skinny Minnie and only about 175 for the other two - less than a comparable amount of chocolate milk for example and with much more good stuff.  Add blueberries, mango or whatever else strikes their (or your) fancy.

I fought the urge and have failed so I just want to say this:  Guns don't kill people; people kill people.  Uh... WITH GUNS.  It's about easy access and impulse so much of the time.  Could Jared Loughner have stabbed Representative Giffords?  Well sure!  Could he have stabbed 18 other people in that span of time.  Hell no!  Could the 12 year-old son (that's right, TWELVE) of a dear friend's secretary have hung himself rather than killing himself with a family hunting rifle because of a breakup with a girl?  Of course.  Might he have been less inclined to do so with a less-instantaneous and irrevocable option?  Well, that one, unfortunately, we will just never know.

I'm so sick of hearing about gun deaths, and not "sick of" as in "bored with" - like "I'm sick of doing laundry" for example.  Sick to my stomach, sick at heart, sick with the endless losses.  When will we wake up and demand better of and for people?

What's been happening for the last 16 months...

I can't possibly cover all this ground.  Let's see... I relapsed, acted crazy, had horrible experiences and traumatized those who love me, went to outpatient rehab, started and quit smoking again, went back to AA, tried to get my shit back together and have hopefully gotten myself and my family on solid footing again.  There is a lot of very writeable material in that period, but current events are just more pressing. 

Let's talk about Lydia!  Did you know that a 7 year-old could receive treatment at an eating disorder center.  Well I did not!  I cried when we were referred there; though I know in my head that we've tried everything, it still feels like a colossal failure on my part.  This has not been a fun journey.  BUT... she gained some weight this week, and tonight she hit 40 pounds on our home scale - first time EVER.  I am too tired to do this tonight I think, but I felt like if I didn't start posting on here again soon, I would forget again.  The curse of my short attention span.

It may be that no one ever reads this, and that's fine too.  I feel scattered and sad tonight, so outraged and sickened by the shootings in Tucson today.  This country is in deep, deep trouble. 
Sweet dreams to anyone out there...